When brothers and sisters come together as adults in a family business, it is easy to see, and want, the opportunity the business holds. On a good day, working with your family can be great fun, especially when you want the same things and believe in what you’re doing for your customers and the community.

But on those bad days, can siblings put aside the unresolved tensions and resentments that linger from childhood? Are they susceptible to the emotional triggers and patterns of behavior that took shape in those formative years? When siblings do succumb to these pressures, workplace civility can go right out the window. Consider that immediate impact on the non-family staff, and the long-term implications of becoming business partners.

It takes two to fight. It takes one to initiate peace — and that doesn’t mean surrender.

In time, tensions will grow, eroding trust and respect. If left unchecked, resentments will fester, factions will form, culture will plummet, and the family and business will suffer.

Unless you decide to stop.

If conflict is robbing your workplace of productivity, joy, and fulfillment, the fix is up to the individual. It takes two to fight. It takes one to initiate peace — and that doesn’t mean surrender.

The following five actions will help you improve family business conflict:

• First, get clear on your personal needs and values. Understand what’s being threatened when you become triggered. Remember that needs and feelings are not the same thing.

• Second, become conscious to how your thoughts influence your emotions which influence your behavior.

• Third, practice pausing, breathing and intentionally responding (vs. reacting) in those button-pushing moments.

• Fourth, commit to communicating directly, simply, and without judgment. Express how you are feeling, your need, and invite their action or discussion.

• Finally, accept and respect that your sibling will have the reaction they have. And that’s OK, because you will no-doubt get another opportunity to try again.

This is self-mastery. In time, and when practiced consistently, our brothers and sisters will meet our energy and respond in kind, building a foundation of trust and respect where compromise and cooperation – even future partnerships – can take shape.